WHAT IS GUILT & SHAME

In the beginning... there was guilt... and an apple. Yum? 

 

 

“You shouldn’t have eaten the apple, Eve??!”

 

“I was hungry, Adam! Don’t judge me, all that grass was making me bloated!”

 

 

That is how I imagine it would have actually gone.  And so began our cycle of guilt.  Why did I eat that? Why didn’t I exercise more? Why haven’t I asserted myself at work? Why did I say sorry... I’m not sorry? Why why why! 

 

The concepts of guilt and shame have been baffling me for a while, but I never really wanted to think about it.  I flowed from one feeling to the next, never taking the time to actually wonder why I was feeling guilty or ashamed, or if I could stop tormenting myself for the things that have already happened, or change the things I have the power to change.

 

Yep, the big G is our controlling device.  If you feel guilty about something, you’re not going to do it again.... right? Well I’m no expert, but I certainly know from experience that I may feel guilty about eating a donut, but I’m still going to eat another one next week... and subsequently I will look in the mirror and feel ashamed.  It makes my stomach feel like I’ve been devouring grass all my life, when all I really want is a bite of that apple.

 

In case you’re too lazy to look it up yourself, no judgements here, this is the dictionary’s definition of guilt:

 

n. a bad feeling caused by knowing or thinking that you have done something bad or wrong.

 

v. make yourself (someone) feel guilty, especially in order to induce you (them) to do something.

 

To put it crudely:  You feel guilty for eating that muffin, and then you feel ashamed of your fatness.

 

The difference between guilt and shame seems to fall into the constructs of cultural norms. You feel guilty based on your conscience of right and wrong.  Shame is based on how you perceive yourself through other peoples’ eyes and yes, subsequently your own eyes.

 

Now, we’re not talking legal or moral guilt during this project.  We’re talking superficial guilt.  Guilt that plays little part in our life other than making us feel sick and ashamed.  We did our research and found all these 'fun' effects of guilt (or more accurately - shame) on our health. Take a looksie:

 

1. It is usually associated with things that have already happened or can’t be changed. (I ate the donut already, get over it)

 

2. It leaves us feeling immobilized, helpless and unworthy.  (I need to go to the gym, no I need to get in shape first)

 

3. Causing emotional self-flagellation (You stupid fat ass).

 

4. And therefore dampening the immune system.  (I don’t have the energy to work out today)

 

5. Ultimately destroying our emotional and physical energy. (Bed nice. Me stay in.)

 

So the guilty girls are taking on this convoluted project to help women navigate the waters of social stereotypes and help us all find a way back to self-acceptance.