Where the Wild Things Are

TINDER ... The app synonymous with dating in San Francisco. Has it made it better or made it worse?

I’ve had countless discussions in this city about the travesties of dating here. It seems to have become a city of endless possibility. Possibility in technology, in business, in growth, and so on. And with that has come the endless supply of dating apps with thousands of photos to entice you. We scroll or swipe, feed after feed in multiple aspects of our lives. The shortest articles are the ones we read. Choosing one tv show is not necessary any more. We can watch them all. We even play games on our phones while we watch tv. We are so constantly drawn away from ourselves as humans, that it does not seem at all shocking that human connection in dating has become as short lived.

San Francisco thrives on innovation, yet we are constantly walking the beaten path of dating here. Dating apps don’t seem to be innovations as much as they are adaptations. Making it easier to search, instead of making it easier to find. I am not here to say that they don’t work, or we shouldn’t use them, and I’m definitely not here to offer an appy solution. But I am curious, as a woman guilty of hating the SF dating game, whether it is the applications or it is the users.

I grew up in San Diego, and with that came a laid back attitude toward life. Dating there was as simple as it gets. Maybe it was the ocean air that had rusted our sense of worry, or the ability to wear sandals and not care what you looked liked. But I found the men, as a stereotype, to aspire for love and connection more than capital gain. Now, don’t take what I’ve said as my distain for San Francisco or the people who thrive here. I love SF and have lived here for over two years. But, as every woman in SF knows, the dating game here is wild. It’s like getting thrown into Lord of the Flies, where only the most daring or cut throat make it to the end. It’s Survivor SF, without the million dollar prize. And, as humans, is this what we really want now?

At times, it’s so convoluted that many women here date because they have nothing better to do, myself included. Hate to say it this way, but... we get free meals, we get conversation and we get a chance to get out of the apartment. Do we think that the 20th guy on Tinder is going to be the one? No. Eventually, we’ve become mildly numb to the conversations. We mainly ask questions so you talk and so we can drink our wine as fast as possible in order to get a second glass, as well as indulge in a delicious (non-pasta) meal. Yes, this sounds cold and cynical. And yes, I may be guilty of become a little (a lot) tired of the dating here. To be honest, I haven’t seen the game played like this before, where men are less forthcoming with their own personalities or desires, instead impressing upon us a list of their recent work accomplishments and which neighborhood their apartment is in. Maybe, as women, we give the impression that that is important to us... and maybe we are just as tiresome to constantly date as the men here. Now that I think about that, I’m pretty sure we’re all fed up.

So maybe, just maybe, as a test of theory, I can change my tactics (and my attitude) and see what evolves. I want to feel the wonder and excitement of meeting someone I’ve never met before, instead of the dull mind numbing experience of meeting a canned version of the man I met the week before.

Is that even possible? Am I guilty of asking or expecting too much from an already established way of life?

I guess we’ll find out,

the guilty raccoon

#relationships #theguiltyraccoon